Perception is Personal
There’s a quote by Anaïs Nin that I keep thinking about:
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
It’s so very simple and deeply important.
At its core, it reminds us that perception is personal. Everything we experience - every meeting, interaction, piece of feedback, or challenge - is filtered through the lens of who we are in that moment, including our history, emotions, beliefs, values, and even our stress levels.
We’re not just reacting to what’s out there. We’re responding to what’s within us.
The Lens of “Who We Are”
In the workplace, this concept shows up everywhere.
Two colleagues can sit in the same meeting, hear the same words, and walk away with completely different takeaways. One may feel energized, while the other feels dismissed. The difference? Not necessarily what happened but how it was perceived.
Perception is shaped by a complex mix of inner stories:
The leader who grew up being rewarded for perfection may hear feedback as failure.
The new parent who feels guilt around the idea of time may interpret a missed deadline as a reflection of their worth.
The employee who hasn’t felt seen may perceive silence in a meeting as disapproval rather than neutrality.
None of these interpretations are “wrong,” but they are incomplete until we recognize the role we ourselves play in constructing them.
Why This Matters
Self-awareness is not just a buzzword. It’s a personal leadership tool.
When we recognize that our view of the world is filtered through us, we open up space for:
Empathy: We begin to understand that others are also seeing the world through their own lens.
Curiosity: Instead of reacting, we can pause and ask, “What else might be true?”
Growth: We can challenge the assumptions that may no longer serve us.
Three Simple (But Not Easy) Questions to Ask Ourselves
When you find yourself feeling triggered, confused, or certain that your perspective is the only valid one, try asking:
What story am I telling myself about this situation?
Where might this reaction be coming from within me?
What else could be true here?
These questions don’t change the situation but they can change how you show up in it (internally and externally).
Final Thoughts
As a coach and a working parent, I’ve seen how powerful this shift in perspective can be. When we do the inner work of understanding ourselves, we become better teammates, partners, parents, and leaders. We communicate more clearly, assume less, and lead with more intention and heart.
Because the truth is - the world isn’t simply happening to us. It’s happening through us.
What lens are you looking through today?